When there is trouble in Paradise

 

Barbie and Ken. The perfect couple.

Barbie was so beautiful. She was a good girl.  She came from a good background and had a good education. She went to church. She believed everything her parents told her that if she was a good girl, went to church and had a good education she would marry a good man.

 

Ken was a handsome young man. He came from a good background and had a good education. In fact he was a Doctor. He also went to church. He believed everything his parents told him that since he was from a good family, went to church and was a doctor everything in life had to be perfect for him. So he found the perfect wife. She was slim and beautiful with long hair. Her own hair.  He was her first. She was young and in her twenties, had perfect manners, was courteous to his family and was a wonderful cook.

What could possibly go wrong?

She didn’t know that he was broken. You see just like when a walking doll no longer works and you wonder why because on the outside it still looks glossy and sophisticated. The big eyes still glitter and the smile is just as wide and you wonder what is wrong until you open the doll up and your mum informs you – there is something wrong with the battery, love. It is defective. You see no matter how many times you make sure you cook his favourite dish, satisfy his every need in and out of the bedroom – nothing you can ever be enough and one day when the old man kicks in and he starts reverting back to his natural pattern – he will blame you. He will say you made him do it. Made him hit you because if the food had enough salt – he wouldn’t have had to shout at you – and he wouldn’t have hit you – and you wouldn’t have that nasty bruise on your face. So you see it’s all your fault, silly you.

Make sure next time you have his food ready and waiting, with enough salt waiting for him to come home. The children scrubbed and neat, homework done and ready to go to bed so when he comes home – he won’t have to shout at you. Everything will be perfect just like Barbie and Ken in their perfect make believe Doll-house.

Until the next time…….

 

*****

Abuse can be perpetuated by either sex. Insecurity, buried hurts from the past and the stress of everyday life just dig it up from the archives. It is a like a bomb waiting for the right trigger to go off.

Get yourself healed emotionally. If you have gone through some major trauma before you enter in one of the most important relationships you will have with anyone this side of heaven…..sort out it mate. Sort it out Sis. You owe your life partner that at least.  Don’t let anyone – whether family or your biological clock make you get into something when you know deep down inside – you know you are deeply hurt, vengeful or leaking from your past encounter with a member of the opposite sex.

Whether it was the rolling stone Dad or the Ex from hell …..don’t make them have to deal with all the invisible baggage you brought along with you. It isn’t fair and one day they might resent you for it.

Go for counselling, pay for it if necessary. Speak to your Pastor. Or Doctor.

Remember marriage is the only union where 2 whole people come together to become one.

Two halves in this case do not a whole person make.

How are you?

 

 

 

Every time you come across someone who tries to make you feel small because you haven’t attained some title or accomplishment – remember Jesus. He also came from a culture where marriage and children were seen as the only hallmarks of success and achievement. But success is a human construct …. our ideals and God’s plan do not always blend into one. Our definition of success and Gods definition vary. Widely.

As a writer I’ve tried to imagine whether the following conversation could have taken place between Jesus and certain acquaintances or relatives :

“How are you?”

“Perfectly blessed thank you Sir.”

“What’s going on now? Any news?

“The deaf can hear, the blind see and lame ones can now walk. God is doing great things through me.”

“Eh…..we know. We know. We are talking about other stuff here.  The Important Stuff. When are you bringing a girl home to meet your parents? I mean you are of an age now. We were at your friend’s marriage celebrations the other day and you are the same age……”

“I’m about my Fathers business. That’s why I came …..”

“Eh? I know but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t marry now. Eh? Are there no nice ladies from good families that have caught your eye yet…..think of your parents. You are approaching 30 now. Eh? Think of your mother .  People are talking.”

Jesus would probably just had looked at the person and thought to himself. Was this person around when God was giving him the blueprint for his destiny?

2000 years later and people haven’t changed. Still doing the same predictable things. Sigh.

Love and Dating in London

 

 

1.       Do not expect for your date to come and pick you up or ‘drop’ you home.  It might happen but it’s not guaranteed. You might meet up somewhere and both get the Tube. It doesn’t mean that you should cross him of your list of potential toasters– it’s just the way people live here. Anyway it gives you more time to gist and get to know each other better. If you don’t mind looking gooey eyed at each other in a packed train carriage or people listening in to your sweet nothings.  We are a very broad minded society. The most passionate kiss in a packed carriage will hardly get a second glance during the rush hour.

2.       Do not do not I repeat do not ask your date how much he earns, whether he has any serious diseases, where he intends to be in life when he is 40 or any other long deep meaningful questions on your first date. Especially if you want to see him again.

3.       Please do not assemble a ‘tag team’ to ‘escort’ you to your date and expect your date to pay. It is not a good idea to invite a girlfriend along to ‘escort’ you on a date.  Women don’t escort themselves around. That is better left to secondary school girls.

4.       Don’t tell the world about your date.  It will be seen as bragging and you need to keep your friends. If it doesn’t work out you will need some shoulders to cry on and people to socialise with.

5.       Do not order everything on the menu, or precisely the most expensive stuff on the menu. If you do not want to be labelled cheap, a gold digger or a glutton.

6.       Do not think that a guy’s idea of a good date is ‘escorting’ you while you go from shop to shop looking for shoes or dresses.

7.       If you do decide to go shopping do not ask your date to ‘raise’ you or ‘bless’ you so you can buy any item of clothing, jewellery or anything else in order not to be classified into the ‘Gold-digger file –  Avoid at all costs’ file of your date.  Even worse is to take him to the Hairdressers and ask him – in your sweetest voice to ‘sponsor’ your millionaire braids, weave on or retouch. You need to show him you need a man, a life partner and not a sponsor.

8.       When going on a date in London – African time doesn’t apply. You might think it’s cute to arrive an hour late and think that the guy is still waiting for you at Liverpool Street station. You might discover that he felt this was extremely disrespectful – to keep him – a working professional person like yourself, waiting aimlessly in a packed train station, after a hard day’s work when he could be sitting at home watching Football.

9.       Do not tell him about how hard life has been for you, the men that used and abused and jilted you, your problems at work or the immigration officials that are chasing you around London. It is a date. A chance to get to know someone better, not a confessional.

10.     Judge the occasion. If it’s a date after work – dress smart casual. A jacket and smart top and trousers not an evening gown and tiara! If he is taking you to the theatre or his work party – jeans and Nikes will not be appreciated.

11.     Put your best foot forward and show him that you are a woman who is hardworking and who is keen to improve herself. Tell him (without bragging) a little about the Saturday class you are taking in creative writing and desk top publishing. The fact that you are working and studying part time during the weekends.  Let him realise that you are looking for a man to partner with so you can achieve Destiny together. You are not looking for a man to sponsor, raise, rescue or carry you.  You bring wealth, destiny, a good work ethic, inspiration, integrity, grace, elegance, beauty, love, a Godly heart and all any man can ever need and he is truly blessed to have someone like you in his life.

It’s good to talk

 

 

What we don’t talk about can trip us up

It’s the habit we don’t want anyone to know about

The places we click into on the net

The old haunts that still there – welcoming us back in

Our feet know the way even in our sleep

Our secret vices – the odd drink here and there

Never hurt no one

The odd flutter that you got in all in control

Its entertaining that fantasy about the girl who never gives you a second glance

Or that married guy who is so cute that works in your office

We don’t want to talk about the number of Christians that blank each other each Sunday because of perceived wrongs or misinformation

We don’t want to talk about the single women in their forties and fifties still believing God for a mate.

Serving in Church but struggling with their minds, their desires and their broken dreams

We don’t want to acknowledge those who struggle with feelings they dare not articulate even to themselves

What about those who want to get out of the vows they have made

Than rather face beatings and verbal abuse

We don’t want to talk about it

We don’t want to talk about sex until another brother or sister falls

We don’t want to talk about playas, time wasters and men that beat up on their wives

We don’t want to talk about the needs in our bodies that make us struggle whether married or single

We don’t want to talk about our need to keep on accumulating wealth or possessions instead of accumulating souls

We don’t want to talk about why we would rather queue hours for a concert or healing session instead of a prayer meeting

We don’t want to talk about why we can cuss someone out for sitting on ‘our’ chair in church then start raising ‘holy’ hands to pray a couple of minutes later

We don’t want to talk about missions or evangelism

We don’t want to talk about dying to self, holiness, righteousness or trials and tribulations

 

We want to talk about the sister who is struggling with this or that (because we never make mistakes)

Or the brother who lost his job (because he refused to compromise his ethics)

Or the woman who left her marriage (after years of domestic abuse)

The sister who hasn’t had a baby after 10 years (because Gods time is the best)

The brother who failed his exam (because he was working 2 jobs to support his family at the same time)

The woman who has a different outfit each week (because she is celebrating life again after she was healed of a terminal disease)

 

I guess we just need to know what to talk about.

 

Reflections

 

I went on holiday to Nigeria. It was a time to catch up with family, eat lots of nice food, relax – go to the beach and soak in the sun.

It was also a time for reflection. I must confess I didn’t go there to reflect. I have a very demanding job with early hours and late finishes so being serious and contemplative; was the last thing on my mind when I went to Lasgidi. As the days flew past in conversation with friends and family, listening to the media – newspapers and other media I fell into contemplation as I began to realise that somehow, somewhere we have managed to create God after our own image – hear me out before you protest – what I mean is that we have tried to filter God through our culture, our dysfunctionalities, pains and circumstances – in short ; through our own myopic ways of seeing the world.

OK what do I know about God?. I live in a country where Sunday is another day for recreation, shopping and catching up with the latest edition of the X Factor and Nigeria is a country that literally has more churches per square metre than most countries I know. We don’t need oyibo people to come tell us how to ‘do’ church. In order to understand things a bit better during the visit. I jotted down some of my reflections – or shall I say observations.

1. In Nigeria God doesn’t seem to mind how you make your money as long as you bring lots of it to the altar.
2. In Nigeria God will understand if you are pregnant before your wedding if you are above 30 or 35 because at that age – if you have managed to get a husband- He will be so amazed that you managed not to backslide during your wait that He will wink at the premarital sex stuff as no big deal – especially in this modern time. He also realises that pleasing Him comes second to pleasing Mother In Law and societal expectations ie – a woman must show signs of being fruitful before marriage.
3. In Nigeria if you are single over the age of 35 – you need deliverance and lots of prayers.
4. If you are a single woman over 45 plus you need double deliverance. Basically you are a lost case. Someone to be pitied, lectured and harangued.
5. In Nigeria if you are single over a certain age – you have not prayed or you don’t want it badly enough. If you are really serious you will go for concentrated prayer all night sessions or extended periods of ‘white’ or ‘dry’ fasting (but only if you are a woman.) Single men are exempt as their singleness is not a cause of shame for them and their families. They are searching for their lifepartner. The woman are just waiting to be found. Maybe the men need to go to specsavers….
6. In Nigeria God will understand if you are economical about the truth at any time in business, professionally or in your relationships because – Naija is hard. God go understand.
7. In Naija if you are really in the will of God you will have a palatial mansion, children (of both sexes- especially boys), latest models of cars and loads of money. The absence of these things means that you are 1. Not spiritual 2. Not a praying Christian
8. In Naija God will understand why a single woman is so desperate to get married that wrecking matrimonial homes is no longer any big deal.
9. In Naija God will understand if a man goes outside his matrimonial home to impregnate another woman especially if his wife cannot have children after the deadline stipulated by her inlaws and the rest of the society. In fact on the day of the said naming ceremony God will be invited to come and bless the occasion.
10. In Naija if you pray about something and God seems to be taking His time – you cant just sit down and do nothing. You must MAKE IT HAPPEN by force or by fire.
11. In Naija God will wink at men who beat their wives especially if the said men are very generous givers to their church and their in-laws. Wifey  will be advised to go for family mediation and return promptly to her husband. After all – a divorced woman will attract more or less the same amount of censure and contempt that a single woman does.
12. In Naija God is partial to our cultures so His laws and precepts of scripture can be customised to suit our geographical location and societal and cultural norms.
13. In short the Naija God is very understanding to our situations. That’s why we can always go ahead and do exactly what we want at any time and then say – God will understand my situation now abeg.  You see in Naija we have a very understanding God.

 

RESPECT – Part Two

This is the second part of the article regarding respect and our brother still has a bit more to say on the matter.

Respect is a 2 way street. Some ladies talk to us as if they have serious beef with us. Im not a psychologist but sometimes when we hear statements like any of the ones below –

• There are no men in the church ( err …..ok I’m sitting here. Hello! I am invisible?)
• All the men in the church are players. All of us?
• All the men in the church are worthless. Again the blanket statement.
• Why can’t these men get their act together ( and marry us eh?) Why would you want a man who cant seem to get his act together to marry you?
• These men only want the PYTs ( Pretty Young Things )
• I can do bad by myself so I’m not looking for no liability – a man has to have a good job, house, money in the bank, assets and shares etc etc before he even thinks of approaching me.
• What does he drive? What does he earn? What kind of watch/shoes/ suit does he wear? Which designer?
• Im a strong woman and I don’t take nonsense from no man
• I don’t take nonsense from no man
• I took nonsense from a man before and that’s why I am strong (feisty) woman ( ok weve heard you.)
• Take a good look at me. My hair, my nails and my clothes. Can you handle it? Can you maintain ( if you are not Nigerian – that means are you ready to pay for my hairdresser and shopping trips so that I can always look this fine)

Just to let you know –  some of the circumstances you might have faced in life – the crazy ex, ‘ Papa was a rolling stone’ dad or the control freak ex husband that was work shy BUT cut a brother a little slack- we are not all like the guy s that have used you and abused you. Some of us are decent, well meaning, hard working professionals like you. Some of us have had absent fathers as well so we can emphasise but when you push us away with some of the comments above – the chances of us ever hitting it off are dead before they had a chance to live.

Give us a chance.

You might be surprised.

Single, whole yet still yearning…

 

“For I would that all men were even as I myself. But every man hath his proper gift of God, one after this manner and another after that “

Ist Cor 7v 7

“But and if thou marry, thou has not sinned , and if a  virgin marry she has not sinned. Nevertheless such shall have trouble in the flesh  :but I spare you. But this I say, brethren the time is short: it remaineth, that both they that have wives be as though they had none.”

“But I would have you without carefulness. He that is unmarried careth for the things that belong to the Lord, how he may please the Lord. But he that is married  careth for the things that are of the world, how he may please his wife.”

Ist Cor 7 v 28-29

For many years I have read books where I have been told that when I really seek God and go deep deep deep into the Word and really ‘mature’ – the desires for marriage will kind of disappear. Like many I threw myself whole heartedly into church and serving in the ministry – spending most of my time in the church building hoping that one of 2 things would happen – based on what we have been told in these books on singleness. Many of these books do not take into the latest phenomena – which is people are leaving marriage till later and later.

Myth 1 – The desire for marriage would disappear with the rest of my ‘carnal’ desires for husband and children.

Myth 2 – Mr Right would show up as a result of my serving in the ministry.

OK lets explore some very popular things singles are told on a regular basis. They are all true by the way.

We know that Jesus was the most influential person who ever lived and He was never married.

True but that doesn’t take away the desire for marriage.

The days are evil and let every man live as if he is single.

Check check checking …..the desire is still there.

Learn to be single content and whole. You don’t need a man or a woman to be whole. In fact this desire means that you are still carnal and need to mature in the things of God.

I’m trying I really am. I got the single bit down pat. Ive worked on the ‘whole’ bit too. I’m  not some insecure female pining for male attention but I cant pretend. Many times in order to maintain our composure or pride we put on a façade that masks what we really feel and say things like –

I’m content being single or Im married to Jesus. I don’t need a man.

Meanwhile life goes on.

The Apostle Paul makes a comment in Romans 6 v 21 –  describing the tussle of mind soul and body with the will of God as laid out in scripture-

Rom 7 14v 24

For we know that the law is spiritual, but I am carnal sold under sin. For that which I do I allow not, for what I would , that do I not, but what I hate, that do I.

V 22 – “For I delight in the law of God after the inward man. But I see another war in my menbers, warring against the law of my mind, and bringing me into captivity to the law of sin which is in my members.”

“O wretched man that I am! Who shall deliver me from the body of this death?”

“I thank God through Jesus Christ our Lord. So then with the mind I myself serve the law of God: but with the flesh the law of sin.”

Is it sin that a person still desires to be married and feels guilty when they feel that if they were really Holy they would have been so full of the spirit that they would just be floating around with their mind full of ways how they will please the Lord? Why do many still long to be loved and appreciated by another when so many books and sermons aimed at singles tell them that they are supposed to be content with their lot and in so doing – be viewed as a totally sold out believer.

Maybe we need to be more mature – because the number of years that have passed have not changed the desire many have to be married.

Some people have not been graced to be able to be like Paul and he realises it when he says -–“For I would that all men were even as I myself. But every man hath his proper gift of God, one after this manner and another after that “

A word from the ladies.

I cant explain it but there is something deep in the heart of many women – it is a mother heart. A kind of knowing or a strong desire or longing to be a mother – one day, some day if Jesus tarries. It is there buried under the hard nosed professional woman exterior, the tom boy who says ‘she is just one of the lads’ or the sister at church who tells you that ‘she is married to Jesus’ and doesn’t care for things of this world.

When marriage tarries and women come into the realisation that they might never become mothers they go through a mourning period. Mourning for what was hoped for that hasn’t happened or may never happen. Mourning for the children they longed for and the sound of a young child calling them – Mum. Mourning because while all this is going on – they cannot express how they feel to any one in church – even sometimes their leaders for fear of being seen as unspiritual, carnal and not keeping their minds on the things of God.

So when they see male pastors telling them that Jesus was single and they should see being single as a gift – they may struggle to whole hearterdly agree with that sentiment.

There are some things that are true.

There are some things that are scriptural.

There are some things that are fact.

There are also some things that are reality.

Sometimes we have to try and find a happy balance with all these three mediums.

Wanting to get married doesn’t make a person –

1. Desperate
2. Carnal
3. Needy
4. Unspiritual
5. Not keen on the things of God
6. Unaware of the fact that whether single or married – Gods sovereign will is what is uppermost.

Does singleness really make the singles I know more spiritual than the marrieds? Taking a good look at the singles around me – I am hard pressed to see the great works they are doing for God that necessitate them being single well into their 40s and 50s. Most of them especially the women seem to be more concerned about finding a lifepartner. In fact the married people seem to be more enthused about serving God than many discontented singles that are inwardly mourning the fact that they may never marry or have families. This is me being real here. Im not sugar coating it but saying it as Ive seen it.

Of course marriage is not the ultimate. Everyone regardless of their marital status should look forward to the real marriage of the Lamb when we get to Heaven but in the meanwhile ….while we are in this body, on this side of heaven – somehow we have to deal with our hearts, our fears, our desires, our wants and trust God that whether single or married – we fulfil our purpose on earth.

 

Assumptions

Excerpt from the first chapter of my work in progress – for singles

We bring up our little girls to wear pink and play with cherubic baby dolls that cry tears and need changing. I once saw a little niece playing about with her plastic little stove; stirring away at a couple of bangers. Little girls playing pretend grown-ups.  Grown-ups playing little girls.

All I’ve ever wanted to do is be a wife and a mum.

As a child of first generation Nigerian immigrants to Britain I was trained.  I was moulded.  I was prepared as soon as I could hold a plate and walk at the same time to brush up my Home Economics skills.  Learned how to sweep, clean and scrub. Taught how to make fried stew and boil yam, haggle with traders in the supermarket over the price of meat, fish or other groceries. I was taken to weddings of relatives and told that I needed to knuckle down and study hard so that I would graduate into a good job and marry a good man.

To ba mo iwe re. Bata re a du kokoka

Read your book. Get an education and you will get a good man.

It was said. It was promised.

It was assumed.

Assumptions are gross mistakes. They make you think something is your entitlement

RESPECT Part One

A woman who respects herself will always have a top place in our hearts. We can see you respect yourself from the way you carry yourself. How you speak to people and especially how you speak and deal with people who others might perceive as being ‘ not up to your level’ or whatever that means.   We watch how you talk to people and how you show them respect.

Respect and eye service are two different things.

We see how much you respect yourself from what you wear. Short skirts and low tops you have to keep pulling up are …….Im not going there. Ive said too much already.  What I will say though is that because we are guys we will look – and we might look a couple of times but that is where it ends. It doesn’t go pass the eye gate to the heart. It just registers in our brain – nice legs, nice shape and that’s all really.

When  I was in the world I probably would had got your number but I now I realise that you are not the kind of woman that is going to help me fulfil destiny – because you are appealing to the old man in me that I am trying to starve.  Its tough enough as it is – you cant imagine what its like to be a man who is trying to please God in all areas of his life in 2015.

I want a woman who knows she is special and so special that she makes me want to keep myself from going there because she is worth waiting for.

For our sisters out there – you are special, incomparable and God has a special place for you in His heart. You are created to do what no one else can do. You are unique for Gods assignment and beautiful for your season. If the guys around you don’t have the sense to see that – wait for the right guy who has the discernment to see that.

Respect yourself and that will attract the same thing back to you.  When you ask a guy on the first date what his dream is and not how much he earns or what he drives you earn his respect.  When you tell a man what your dream is and where you see yourself going in life you earn his respect.  When you show a guy the traits of hardwork, dependability, thriftiness, work ethic, family values, honesty, commitment,  time management, follow-through and so on that you demand from him – reflected in your own life – you earn his respect.

Interview with Edwina Momoh the Director, Exousia Consulting

Interview with Edwina Momoh the Director of Exousia Consulting

 

“When you take off the clothes, the make-up and all the other things we use to cover up our insecurities – the real you remains.”

“When you realise your self-image is in Christ you will not allow society to make you into a fake photocopy of yourself.”

– Edwina Momoh.

Director.Exousia Consulting.

 

This is the first of our interviews featuring Christians who are making an impact in their society, community and business world.

Edwina Momoh is the Director of Exousia Consulting.

 

Hi Edwina thanks for your time and for giving us the chance to know more about you and the work you do.

Tell me about you. If you were to sum yourself up in three words what would you say? How would you say your faith and beliefs influences the work you do and how you connect to your target group?

Three words that best describe me are empowering/encouraging, connector, inspiring.

My beliefs encourage me to make a difference wherever I am;as salt and light in the earth.

I aim to be a source of the light of God, to teach, guide people on their journey and the people I come into contact with, believing they will leave enlightened and their lives changed positively by meeting me.

The way I connect to my target group is by being transparent about my life and struggles, sharing what encourages me alongside nuggets I have learnt along the way and being real and open whenever I have the chance to speak about my journey in life.

Your work involves inspiring youth and embedding leadership and confidence skills. Just how important would you say youth work is to raising tomorrows generation.

My desire to encourage, empower and motivate people came from noticing a meeting an awesome young girl many years ago who found me comfortable and open to speak to me about the difficulties she was going through and me offering to be her big sister. I helped her see the possibilities and encouraged her through the process.  I was inspired to work with young people in this area as I realised that this was something that was something I did not have as the oldest child growing up. I did not have an older brother/sister looking out for me, I had to find out things myself and from a lot of questioning and sometimes making mistakes. When I saw the results of advising, encouraging and constantly seeing transformation in many lives I made sure this was an essential part of my life. I welcome the chance to work with young people – helping raise future leaders and other doors of mentoring, coaching and training opportunities have also opened for me.

I believe in the quote  “give a man a fish and he eats for a day but teach a man to fish and they eat for the rest of their life” and when relating to young people I listen to their point of view and put myself in their shoes and try to see where they are coming from. Then I use  real life examples from my life and those who inspire me in order to provide clear strategies, signpost them to opportunities, help develop self-worth, confidence and self-value as well as showing  them ways how they can support themselves.

In order to raise tomorrow’s leaders it is so important to ensure that people are raised up to pour into, guide,encourage, inspire and help raise up young people.  I am humbled by the opportunity I have to do this.

 

You do a lot of outreach work abroad – please share some of the projects you have been involved with in the past few years and how they have impacted the communities and countries. If you have any photos please send me one.

 

I run a social enterprise Exousia Consulting and a portion of the profits goes to charitable causes. I have been involved with a charity called Compassion for two years and started sponsoring a child in Kenya for as little as £21 a month.

I’ve had a heart for orphans for a long while and when I was given the opportunity to speak to youth in Ghana in 2014 via a ministry trip, I felt the need to extend my stay, fundraise and embark on my first educational and orphanage mission trip.

In Ghana I met many young adults who needed encouragement to believe that they can make it in life – that they can break out of the box life circumstances might be trying to put them in. It was a chance to share about leadership, their gifts and shared ideas, career guidance and work and business development. The response was great, lives were impacted and I am still in touch with many of them – sharing and coaching.

I was also able to make donations to some orphanages with some of the items I had brought with me such as nappies, school equipment, toiletries and some food items. I was struck by how much we take for granted here – things that are basic to us are luxury items to these orphans.  Despite their circumstances and the heart-breaking stories I heard they were full of joy and gratitude and we were able to spread the love of God and encourage them.

As a Christian I feel it is our duty to extend a loving hand to the poor, orphans, widows, destitute and homeless and unfortunate. We are blessed to be a blessing. Besides that is was Jesus would do.

I’ve also been involved in youth projects such as Leaders from the Ends was a Hackney initiative piloted last year to help encourage more mentors for young black boys and inspire them into talks, games and positive leadership via role models in the community.

 

How did you come to know the Lord?

I was brought up in Catholic household so I knew about God since I was a young girl. But became born again at the age of 21 after a friend invited me to church after playing a basketball game. I could not believe this fun guy went to church and wanted to see this “church” he went to. I found myself at the altar weeping as I responded to an altar call about coming into a relationship with God and taking him seriously. I experienced real love for the first time in my life and have been on an amazing adventure with Christ ever since.

 

Apart from working with the youth give aupdate about other work Exousia Consulting is involved in

Exousia is a vibrant, creative, global social enterprise organisation that offers strategic advice, social media marketing consultancy, training to youth, young adults, entrepreneurs and change management solutions to impact and grow individuals and organisations.

Our expertise comes from over 9 years’ experience of working in marketing & public sector enabling us to use a range of different marketing mediums to turn ideas into sales and concepts into cash for businesses.

Break out the box is an innovative training program and media platform run by Exousia Consulting for youth, young adults and entrepreneurs. It consists of BE R.E.A.L Training: Relationships, Entrepreneurship, Attitude, Leadership in Life! I have plans to develop into a TV Show that challenges peoples comfort zones, think and act differently and create a new set of rules creating an atmosphere to encourage people to believe the unbelievable & do the impossible. Join the movement breakouttheboxprogram@gmail.com/ @BreakoutdaboxTV.

You were listed in the top 20 under 35 African Change makers by the African Youth Awards team in the African viewpoint journal and how would you say this has made you a role model for other young women?

I felt so humbled about being on the list. I am very passionate about getting more women in leadership roles.  This was not something I saw while growing up. I want to encourage young women they can be leaders any sphere of influence they find themselves. Leadership is about influence and I aim to use my influence to inspire young people to be change agents and break out the restrictions trying to stop them from maximising their potential.

We have recently celebrated the International Day for Women 2015 – if you were to address a room of young women in their teens – and give them some golden rules to guide them – what would they be?

 

Wow some golden rules to guide women who are different in so many ways!  I would try to narrow it down to one thing and that is the fact that I believe that discovering you really are is the first step to your success. It’s a lifelong journey but starts with a relationship with God. You are the best project to work on and release to the world.”

I also believe that once you discover who you are – confidence, self-belief, self-esteem, career goals, direction, faith, persistence, going for goals, looking and feeling good etc. start from this one point. We get ourselves in trouble by copying others, wearing masks, doing what works for others, instead of working on discovering ourselves, what works best for us and realising the assignment God has given to us to complete.

There is a lot of emphasis in the media about how women look, their size and how they dress and this in turn puts a lot of pressure on young people feeling that they have to be a certain size and look a certain way in order to make it in life. As Christians our self-image is wrapped up in our relationship with God and how He celebrates us – in the Bible we are told we are ‘fearfully and wonderfully made’.  What are your thoughts about this?

This is very true and something I’ve had to deal with personally. We are living in a highly sexualized society and the media tries to dictate society’s idea of beauty in terms of size, shape, style, complexion etc.

I try to tell young women that God has designed them for a purpose and they are beautiful in His sight and celebrate the fact they are fearfully and wonderfully made .  I believe that the way I look is part of His specific design for the call on my life. I’m made this way for a reason, a place, a time and a certain people who will embrace what I look like. But I had to embrace myself first and learnt in my twenties to love and value myself and that frees me to be confident and others have to accept me as I am.

When you are authentic you are the pacesetters other follow. You create your own fashion.  We need to spend more time on what is in the inner man and that is what attracts authentic people into our lives.

When you take off the clothes, the make-up and all the other things we use to cover up our insecurities – the real you remains.

When you realise your self-image is in Christ you will not allow society to make you into a fake photocopy of yourself.

Where do you see yourself in five years from now?

I hope to have broken out of more boxes and organising training in UK and abroad for future leaders, travelling and teaching, married with at least one child (maybe two) and speaking to a global audience.  I also hope to have started to build my first orphanage/children’s training centre for 500-1,000 youth and have my own TV show aimed at inspiring and training people to be change agents and the best God has called them to be.

What is your favourite scripture?

My favourite two at the moment are:

“He who has called you is faithful and will do it.”  – 1 Thes 5:24

“Now unto him, who is able todo exceedingly and abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us.” – Eph 3:20

 

What do you enjoy doing during your spare time and what is your favourite programme.

I love socializing and anything to do with going out and meeting people, watching films at home/cinema and anything fun which helps me think creatively.  I don’t have a favourite programme as I don’t watch TV unless something interesting comes on that catches my attention.

What is the funniest thing that has ever happened to you?

There are quite a few but I am not permitted to tell as it involves other people!

Oh. OK. We will let you off then!

 

Many thanks Edwina for sharing your work and your life with us.  Please provide your website, blog and where you can be reached for professional purposes.

Please find below.

Website:http://www.edwinaexousia.com

Blog: http://www.breakouttheboxmission.blogspot.com

Email: exousiaorg@gmail.com

Skype: exousiaconsultancy

Twitter: @exousiaconsultn @breakouttheboxtv

Bio: http://www.aboutme/edwinamomoh

Instagram: edwinaexousia