Reflections

 

I went on holiday to Nigeria. It was a time to catch up with family, eat lots of nice food, relax – go to the beach and soak in the sun.

It was also a time for reflection. I must confess I didn’t go there to reflect. I have a very demanding job with early hours and late finishes so being serious and contemplative; was the last thing on my mind when I went to Lasgidi. As the days flew past in conversation with friends and family, listening to the media – newspapers and other media I fell into contemplation as I began to realise that somehow, somewhere we have managed to create God after our own image – hear me out before you protest – what I mean is that we have tried to filter God through our culture, our dysfunctionalities, pains and circumstances – in short ; through our own myopic ways of seeing the world.

OK what do I know about God?. I live in a country where Sunday is another day for recreation, shopping and catching up with the latest edition of the X Factor and Nigeria is a country that literally has more churches per square metre than most countries I know. We don’t need oyibo people to come tell us how to ‘do’ church. In order to understand things a bit better during the visit. I jotted down some of my reflections – or shall I say observations.

1. In Nigeria God doesn’t seem to mind how you make your money as long as you bring lots of it to the altar.
2. In Nigeria God will understand if you are pregnant before your wedding if you are above 30 or 35 because at that age – if you have managed to get a husband- He will be so amazed that you managed not to backslide during your wait that He will wink at the premarital sex stuff as no big deal – especially in this modern time. He also realises that pleasing Him comes second to pleasing Mother In Law and societal expectations ie – a woman must show signs of being fruitful before marriage.
3. In Nigeria if you are single over the age of 35 – you need deliverance and lots of prayers.
4. If you are a single woman over 45 plus you need double deliverance. Basically you are a lost case. Someone to be pitied, lectured and harangued.
5. In Nigeria if you are single over a certain age – you have not prayed or you don’t want it badly enough. If you are really serious you will go for concentrated prayer all night sessions or extended periods of ‘white’ or ‘dry’ fasting (but only if you are a woman.) Single men are exempt as their singleness is not a cause of shame for them and their families. They are searching for their lifepartner. The woman are just waiting to be found. Maybe the men need to go to specsavers….
6. In Nigeria God will understand if you are economical about the truth at any time in business, professionally or in your relationships because – Naija is hard. God go understand.
7. In Naija if you are really in the will of God you will have a palatial mansion, children (of both sexes- especially boys), latest models of cars and loads of money. The absence of these things means that you are 1. Not spiritual 2. Not a praying Christian
8. In Naija God will understand why a single woman is so desperate to get married that wrecking matrimonial homes is no longer any big deal.
9. In Naija God will understand if a man goes outside his matrimonial home to impregnate another woman especially if his wife cannot have children after the deadline stipulated by her inlaws and the rest of the society. In fact on the day of the said naming ceremony God will be invited to come and bless the occasion.
10. In Naija if you pray about something and God seems to be taking His time – you cant just sit down and do nothing. You must MAKE IT HAPPEN by force or by fire.
11. In Naija God will wink at men who beat their wives especially if the said men are very generous givers to their church and their in-laws. Wifey  will be advised to go for family mediation and return promptly to her husband. After all – a divorced woman will attract more or less the same amount of censure and contempt that a single woman does.
12. In Naija God is partial to our cultures so His laws and precepts of scripture can be customised to suit our geographical location and societal and cultural norms.
13. In short the Naija God is very understanding to our situations. That’s why we can always go ahead and do exactly what we want at any time and then say – God will understand my situation now abeg.  You see in Naija we have a very understanding God.